Marriage counselors on our staff have special training in couples counseling and are clinical members and supervisors in The American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (AAMFT). They are also caring individuals with close relationships of their own, and they know how to help.
- Why Marriage Counseling? You can improve your relationship with better communication and greater understanding.
- How long does it take? We recommend a commitment of 3-6 months
- How much does it cost? Fees are set with the therapist either on the phone or during the first session. We offer a sliding fee scale based on joint income.
- Ready to start? Call the Counseling Center to arrange an appointment. 914-793-3388 or fill out our Contact Form.
How do I know if I need marriage counseling?
Studies have been done that show that couples wait on average six years from the time they sense something is wrong with their relationship to the time they come in for help. A frustrating thing for all marriage counselors is that often the people who come have come too late. So if you think you might need some help, chances are you do. In this case you can speak directly with our clinical director, Catherine Nicholas, who will discuss with you your need and desire to come in for a consultation.
What are the signs of a marriage in trouble?
A recent study (Dr. John Gottman) has shown that there are four danger signs of a marriage that is in danger of breaking up. They are known as "the four horsemen of the Apocalypse".
- The first is CONTEMPT
If one or both partners disregard each other, make belittling comments, or role their eyes, it shows they are closing off from one another.
- The second is CRITICISM
This is a general kind of blanket character assassination.
- The third is DEFENSIVENESS
Not being willing to admit much of anything or grant the partner any credibility.
- The fourth is STONEWALLING
This is a rather complete shutdown and turning off of feeling.
Any one or combination of these four patterns indicates a relationship headed for trouble. Something must be done to stop the downward spiral or it just gets worse and worse.
What happens when I first come in?
After speaking with our clinical director about the nature of the problem and what help you are seeking, she will assign a therapist to call you and set up an appointment. You can also ask questions of this person on the phone in case you are still having doubts or want more information. There is no pressure to start therapy with us. It is a big step for many people, and it works best if you are interested and motivated. Then you, or you and your significant other make a mutually agreed upon appointment for a consultation. The therapist will do an assessment, discuss options with you, and together you will decide on a plan, if you wish to continue.
How long does it take?
We usually ask people to commit to relationship counseling for three to six months. You will know during that time if it is helping you and if you want to continue. Many people come for relief of a few specific symptoms, others need more comprehensive help and support. The important thing is to get the help you want, and to know if you need further assistance in the future you can call upon your relationship counselor.
How much does it cost?
Fees are set with the therapist either on the phone or during the first session. If you cannot pay the therapists' full fee, we have a sliding fee scale based on joint income. Other subsidies are available for people in need. And sometimes couples find that it is more cost effective to come every other week or monthly if a weekly appointment is not possible. Most insurance plans do not cover relationship counseling, but at The Counseling Center we feel that if we can help people improve and save their marriages, the investment will be worth it.
What if my spouse won't come in?
It happens often that one person or another in the relationship has resistance to couples' therapy. Maybe they have had a bad previous experience, or they mistrust all therapists. Maybe they find it difficult to talk to a stranger about personal problems, or to ask for help about anything. Maybe they feel secretly to blame for a lot of the problems and are afraid to admit it. Whatever the reason, in our opinion it is fine for the person who wants to get started to begin. Many changes and improvements can be made from one side of the equation; changes in one spouse often leads to change in another. And then often the other person can be invited to participate at a later date.
Our Bronxville location is a convenient place for meeting with couples who live and work in Westchester County.
Articles of interest:
After Finding Out About Your Partner's Affair
ExtraMarital Affair Recovery
